| say that you'll stay...forever and a day. |
[Oct. 1st, 2006|06:45 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | by the window | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  beaming with glee | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Oasis | ] |
happy october. and a happy one it is. woohoo. i am soooooooo happy now. i didn't let this slip through my fingers...instead i'm holding on oh so tight. i've never smiled this much. i'm just...happy. ensemble...i continue to love all of you. it's so beautiful out tonight. everything is so beautiful. she is soooo beautiful. you know how people have that...happy place. the place they think of in their head when something is wrong, or when someone wants to just get away...they go there in their head. well, i think i found mine today. at this little park on an old wooden bench with her next to me and her head on my shoulders as the sun was going down behind the trees. i hope i don't sound crazy...it's just i can't believe this is happening to me...but it is. i'm truly happy. well, enough of that...for now. i'm loving music...as always. i've started listening to oldies againg...like sinatra, elvis and stuff. i love it. i don't have school tomorrow...yaaay! it's nice to be able to stay home and do nothing sometimes. i'll probably end up being bored...but oh well. life is good. i hope everyone is as happy as i am. |
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| you're gonna be the one that saves me. |
[Sep. 30th, 2006|11:26 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | by the window | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | in love | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Wonderwall | ] |
i love my life. have you ever woke up and just smiled because you were alive? it's such a great feeling. i look out my window every morning, or i have been doing that for awhile now, just to take it all in. the sun shines in on my window. it's beautiful. ensemble is amazing. god...i love those people. i really hope they know that. well, something's happening, and if i let this slip by, i know that i will never forgive myself. i don't know, i just am sick of letting things slip through my fingers. i'm sick of being afraid of disappointment, because in reality, i'm the only one who is dissappointing me. how sad is that? the thing most people fear most...and i'm doing it to myself. not this time. i can't. i won't. today. |
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| well, hello again. |
[Sep. 20th, 2006|05:30 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | here | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | By The Way They Dance--JLC | ] |
wow, it's been awhile since i posted on this. a lot has happened. ensemble is back and it's awesome. we've got a great group i think and i'm really excited about the year. i got the sitcom part, which i'm excited about...even if i have to wear a leotard type women's super hero outfit type thing....haha. i wish school wasn't boring, but it is. oh well. i've got my college essay for MARYMOUNT done. i'm meeting with my counselor on friday to get my transcript and stuff. this is exciting. i really really hope i get into MARYMOUNT...that's my dream right now. i really don't have anything else planned but there...eeeek. jessica and i had our 50th...which was amazing...we actually aren't done with it yet though. we watched rescue me and ate food...with jamila and abbey. jessica and i went to see Black Dahlia which sucked A LOT. ew. anywho, going to see All The King's Men this friday with some people from ensemble. yaay! last night, was the best night of the year so far. jamila and i went to a jay clifford (lead singer of jump, little children) concert. it was a request concert...it was amazing. i loved it so much. and the opener, Meghan Coffee was amazing too. i got her cd. it was so nice to be in that nice little theater with acoustic music and one of my best friends...it was just one of those times you really really really appreciate being alive. life is good. |
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| Summer is Gone With the Wind |
[Aug. 24th, 2006|11:06 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | room | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | pleased | ] |
| [ | music |
| | watching daily show | ] |
so, summer is officially over in 54 minutes from right now. it's been, overall, a great one. it started off with a bang at the dave matthews band concert with rosie, which was one of the greatest nights ever. then there was kadey's little birthday thing where a lot of ensemble showed up and it was really fun. then, the summer took a little turn for the worse, with being bored and lonely and what not. i hit a pretty big low in my life, you know feeling depressed, but i got through it, and i've been happy ever since. keeping in touch with some people in ensemble was sooooo awesome. i kept in touch with kadey pretty much all summer. i went to the mountains with travis, which was very relaxing and needed. also, i've been keeping up with improv, which has been sooooooo much fun. the improv olympics were awesome...my team made it to the semi-finals...thanks to maclean for coming. i also had shakespeare camp which was an awesome experience and it really helped me a lot. i feel a lot closer with mark which is a completely amazing thing. then, jessica finally came home and we saw each other a lot...which was great. saw a pretty crappy movie together...lady in the frickin' water!!! ew. then talledega nights...which was funny. then saw world trade center, which was oh so sad. met a psycho girl at camp who is probably outside my window right now. (hope she doesn't have a livejournal). then august has been interesting. i'm realizing people are leaving...not good. trying to get ready for ensemble, which i think i finally am. YAAAY! didn't get to see greg, robert, alex, jesse, or jenny off to college. sad. i did see brie before she went and said goodbye and i saw chris and said bye too. a couple of people from ensemble and maclean came to an improv show where i played the dangerous mousetrap game...that was fun...then we went to landmark. and then mary cait was leaving...too many people leaving. then days went by...starting hanging out with maclean a little more...very fun and nice!!! kaitlin and i went to ihop for breakfast before she went off to college. this is sad. then helped my brother move into college...not that sad...haha...then went to a youth group thing with kadey, which was weird, and uncomfortable, but i think it was a very important thing for me to do...and i thank kadey for being a great friend that night. saw snakes on a plane with maclean which was one of the funniest days of the summer. hahaha...it actually bit off her nipple...still can't believe it. hahaha. and today, the last day of summer was spent with jessica, abbey, maclean, and funny stories at jessica's house. then maclean and i went out to eat, that was nice. then i went to improv and had a great and fun class and got lots of candy thrown at me...and abbey finally agreed to go see little miss sunshine tomorrow...so YAAAAAY!!! and there really isn't a better way to end this summer...which is now over. summer is gone with the wind. here's to a great year...i can't wait!! now i must go to sleep so i can wake up at the crack of dawn...for school! |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 21st, 2006|07:35 pm] |
wow...sad things are happening now that shouldn't...but i'm being strong about it...i think. i'm ready for this year...i've never been more ready. i can't wait. i won't let people or things or myself ruin that for me this year...i won't. i'm extremely sad about not going with kadey on that trip...it would have been a lot of fun i think, but i'll be seeing her every weekend...so it's good...it's great. i really appreciate what she did for me the other night...it meant the world to me. i love this cd she gave me too...especially this one song that i will not stop listening to. i hope she likes blue like jazz...i loved it. i was at school today for 4.5 hours waiting to get my schedule changed and fixed and it still isn't the way i want it yet. i might be taking two theaters which would make me so happy. maclean and i had dinner today and went to michaels and had a wonderful time. she makes me laugh. thank you. i miss a lot of people right now...but again, i'm excited. i don't want to be sad...i can't be sad. it makes me happy that i won't give up...even though that would probably be easier. i know things will come. my heart is so hungry right now. |
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| My Spirit Has Been Purified |
[Aug. 15th, 2006|09:52 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Right Here | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Oasis---Who Feels Love? | ] |
life is good. the end of my summer has been fantastic. i love everything about it. school is coming up, and i'm kinda excited except my schedule is screwed up...but i'll get that fixed. i'm a little scared about all of this college crap, but i've calmed down about it and i'll be okay. i've seen a lot of movies this summer. and the majority of them have either been good, or so bad, they're funny...so none have been a complete waste of money. i've finally got my two ensemble monologues and i love both of them...which i might be the only one in which that's the case. but i'm happy with my choices. improv is going so well...i've had so much fun this summer there. i hope it stays that way. two of the guys there are starting a sitcom and offered me a part...i still have to audition, but i feel pretty good about it. both of them are well connected...one of them is a film major and shoots films and commercials all the time and knows a lot of people in LA...this could be a great opportunity. also, i plan on sending my information down to columbia, SC for the new Kevin Bacon movie...they are looking for principle roles still...how awesome. well, anyway, life is good, i'm happy, i love my friends, and that's it. |
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| MOVIES |
[Aug. 2nd, 2006|09:01 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | My room | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Cd I Made for Jessica | ] |
a-Pick 15 of your favorite movies
b-Choose quotes you like from each
c-Post the quotes and see who can guess the movie.
1. There's more to life than a little money, ya know. Don'tcha know that? And here ya are. And it's a beautiful day. Well. I just don't understand it.
2. You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me.
3. Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
4. Why do I fall in love with every woman I see who shows me the least bit of attention?
5. I can do anything, I'm the chief of police.
6. It's not the years, honey, it's the mileage.
7. Are you saying that I put an abnormal brain into a seven and a half foot long, fifty-four inch wide GORILLA?
8. Mo cuishle means my darling. My blood.
9. He better be worth it. He better go home and cure a disease, or invent a longer-lasting light bulb.
10. We bury our sins here, Dave. We wash them clean.
11. I hold myself in contempt! Why should you be any different?
12. Don't start tryin' to do the right thing, boy-o. You haven't the practice.
13. I've been framed for murder and the cops are in on it. But the real enemy, the son of a bitch who killed the angel lying next to me, he's out there somewhere, out of sight, the big missing piece that'll give me how and the why and a face and a name and a soul to send screaming into hell.
14. I hate Illinois Nazis.
15. Was that as good for you as it was for me?
Let's see who knows their movies!!! RESPOND! |
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| Hold Tight...Something's Happening |
[Jul. 31st, 2006|02:23 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | HERE | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | smile | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Jessica's Cd | ] |
i don't know what is going on but everything is wonderful right now. i just am happy and i don't really know why. i made some new friends and i've been seeing the ones i already had. it's really nice. shakespeare camp was just great and i can't wait for ensemble to start. i saw I Hate Hamlet with caitlin which was fun. the show was okay, but i had a good time. i then got to see JAWS yesterday with Jessica, Jamila, Abbey, and Elsabeth...that was so much fun. the movie was, as usual...amazing. haha! jamila screamed a couple times...that was great. it was nice seeing elsabeth and jamila again...i haven't seen them in forever. the comedy theater was split into two new teams...my team is the Awkward Revolutionaries. i'm happy with the team...can't wait to get started. oh...thanks so much jessica for making me an awesome cd...actually 2 awesome cds. i'm making yours. you'll get them as soon as i buy more blank cds. so, i've been talking online with a complete stranger. i know that's a little weird, but she's actually really cool...if she is real. haha! blue like jazz is getting better and better. i love this book. music is awesome. and i'm happy...i'm happy. i feel very refreshed...so, if you read this...please don't do anything to make me sad, because i like this feeling. haha! "Ensemble is for people who hate people who smell like old acting and ensemble, but they are only allowed to be inside the wachovia when strangers kill babies," ---Kadey & Kevin. |
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| Awwwwwww! |
[Jul. 29th, 2006|12:04 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | In a stupor | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Coldplay | ] |
i have had a very good week. shakespeare camp was great! i will miss it. and i'm proud of OUR show...the TEMPEST! by thw way...thanks for coming jessica and by the way lady in the water sucks!!! haha. i met some new friends...who i really like...so, that's great. i love mark sutton! simple. he's amazing. joanna is also amazing. um...my phone bill might finally be more than zero dollars for once...haha! going to a play tomorrow! can't wait! you know what...i don't need to write more because, i'm just...happy. |
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| The Farm |
[Jul. 23rd, 2006|09:41 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  i don't know anymore | ] |
when i was 3 or 4, my family got a dog. it was a beagle. i remember the day exactly. we went to my grandparents house and we went down into the basement, and they had this huge wrap around sofa, that i, at the time was much shorter than, so as i rounded the corner of it, i see my uncle with this adorable puppy in his lap. we were so excited just to see a puppy, we didn't even know it was ours yet. i remember when he finally said it's yours, i wouldn't believe it. i was like, what? i'm sorry, repeat that. haha! anyway, we named him Mitch. what a great name. i loved that dog. i remember playing with it in the heavy heavy snows in the winter. and we would fall into the snow and get stuck and Mitch had just this mound of white on his face. it was wonderful. we weren't the greatest pet owners...and what i mean by that was that dog was crazy. we would make that dog wild because we played with it non-stop. it was a wild dog...not bad, but wild, and he was ours. and i loved him. one day, we had a baby-sitter, and i was outside and i had Mitch in my red wagon and i was pulling him in the backyard...and the babysitter came out and said it was time to go in, and me being me wanted to stay out so i asked, and begged to stay out, and she said no, and came over to me to get me. and as we were walking back inside, Mitch bit her. didn't bother me much at all, but it bothered her. in fact, the next day my parents were talking about getting rid of him or something, i can't remember. i remember pleading with them to think again. we had this for a couple years and he was everything. i loved Mitch. i was still in kindergarten, and one day i got up, got ready, and then i went to school. and when i got home, i was expecting to do the same thing i always did, open the door and catch Mitch in my arms as he runs at me at full speed. so, i walked in...and nothing. my parents were on the couch and my mom looked sad. i said, more like yelled, where is he, where is Mitch? my mom softly said, we had to get rid of him. where is he? i said again in disbelief. he's at a friend of the family's farm. he's now got room to run around and other dogs to play with. he's happier. i ran to my room and i cried and i cried and after that, i cried some more. it took me a long time to get over it. but i began to understand that maybe my mom was right, and Mitch was happier which would be okay with me. i remember at first, i would ask my parents A LOT if we could go visit, and for some reason we never did. i never questioned it. years later, like 4 or 5...i asked my mom, what ever happened to Mitch? she told me, that he never went to a farm. she told me that they had him put to sleep. she said Mitch was bad and needed to be put down. she told me the truth. i was upset, but it had been so long, that i wasn't very sad, but a little angry. and i was mad at my mother, but i got over it and that was the end of that talk. another year or so later, i brought it up again...and my mom told me that it was one of the hardest things she ever did or will ever do...she was crying so hard, and she had to have friends and family there to calm her down and help her out. i wasn't mad at her anymore. tonight, i remembered Mitch and him sinking into the feet of snow. and i thought about him. and i wondered if maybe he was actually on a farm somewhere running around playing with other dogs and his floppy ears just flopping and his tongue just dripping everywhere and he was happy. and i think that's exactly what he's doing right now. i hope that i can finally go visit him someday at the Farm. i would really like that and it makes me happy knowing that he would like that too. maybe tonight |
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| Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it |
[Jul. 23rd, 2006|12:43 pm] |
woah! what a weekend! improv tournament was amazing. we made it to the semi finals and then lost by one point to the Samurai Pansies, who ended up winning, so we lost to the best! i'm happy with that. it was so much fun! oh, man! they played bucket of pudding, which was one of the coolest and funniest things, and we played debate, and i must say i was at my best with Bush, and we almost beat them with that game, if it wasn't for the damn pudding. haha! we lost at line games!!! i knew it! i loved my team! nikki and tracy we're great. thanks! then, in the championship between the Samurai Pansies and Manchovy, Manchovy asked Mary-Cait to be in SL/SR, and then Samurai asked me to be in SL/SR, and it was awesome...i was elton john with a KKK member, and i was also, Kevin Federline with Britney Spears...so funny. je je je jenny and the blacks!!! thanks so much to maclean and her friend who came...helped support our team!! then, after the championship was over...all of the cast...everyone...played a IMPROV GAME FEST!!! so much fun...the show was over at like 1 a.m. Mary Cait, Jason, and I played this awesome new game Mary Cait told us about...Miss Fortune...i think that's the name...it was AWESOME!! Jason and I are definitely going to play the mousetrap game eventually...we're idiots, that's why. the theater is so much stronger with a mix of newer folks and older folks...it really is...they're great. great weekend! much love goes out to that place! thanks for making me laugh!
i watched american beauty this weekend too...what a great movie...i loved it! it was so great. and beautiful and the acting was AMAZING! it actually can teach people a couple things about life. seriously. again, i love this blue like jazz book! getting better and better. i cannot wait til september 9th!!!!!!!! you couldn't possibly know how amazing that weekend is going to be!!! i will be in heaven. or underwater...one of the two.
two of us sending postcards, writing letters on my wall. you and me burning matches, lifting latches, on our way back home! we're on our way home, we're on our way home, we're going home!! i love that song...SO SO MUCH!! guster's version is brilliant too!
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| New G.E. Light Bulbs...Even Ugly People Have Something to Turn On |
[Jul. 22nd, 2006|12:38 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | thoughts | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  something's in my eye | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Oasis | ] |
and so, my improv team...Spontaneous Combustion, won tonight...and shall therefore move onward to play the Samurai Pansies tomorrow, Saturday the 22nd at 9 to see who will go to the FINALS! tonight was amazing. we had so many people there, and it was so much fun. i was full of energy all day and Tracy, Nikki, and i came out and played our hearts out and we won. i can't wait for tomorrow. haha...i'm changing my mind again...i can't leave improv. i disagree with a lot of what goes on there and some of the things the people do, but you know what...not once...NOT ONCE...in 2 years have i ever felt left out or offended or threatened by any one at any time...and i pretty much have never experienced bullshit drama...and i have fun. the new guys are so much fun and welcoming and funny, and the regular cast continues to be fun. and now keli is making two new teams, both old and new cast members...which i can't wait for. smoking, alcohol, cursing, dirty jokes...well, yeah, i don't like it...but i'm not doing it...and none of them treat me any differently for that. they don't care. we're all friends...not great, not serious, probably never outside the theater, but when we're there, we've got each others backs...and we play both kick ass shows and shoot me in the face shows. tonight, was a celebration of the theater's 5th year anniversary...that is so astonishing. after changing venues 5 times, being in debt so many times, performing in front of 5 people or less many times, and losing some great people sometimes, the theater is still alive and kicking. that's something to be proud of. the show rocked tonight...and that's because we played together and played without worrying about unecessary shit. and as competitive as i am...i wasn't playing to win tonight...i was playing. just playing. i love improv. still open invitations to come tomorrow night. well, enough of that. I cannot believe how much i relate to the book Blue Like Jazz...it's astonishing...and i think it might help me with this whole problem. i hope...i need it. i'm really starting to have some doubts about some things again...i don't like doubts...they make my head hurt. slip inside the eye of your mind...don't you know that you may find a better place to play. don't look back in anger. |
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| If It Makes Me Happy...Then Why The Hell Am I So Sad? |
[Jul. 21st, 2006|12:35 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | by the water | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  why is there a cloud above me? | ] |
| [ | music |
| | dmb | ] |
okay...now i'm really pumped about tomorrow's improv show! big time! we got t-shirts and everything, and we're going all out, and we have a cool name, and we're all really excited...and i really don't care that no one is coming...i did, but screw that. it's going to be fun. tonight was cool...improv was fun. we're taking care of a dog for the weekend...that's cool...it's a good dog. okay, Blue Like Jazz is still great, and it's really amazing how much i relate with this guy and his original views on religion and god and faith. i need help. need. i had a nice night for the most part. i got some weird and depressing news that made me feel miserable for awhile...but i got home and talked to some people that made me smile...i came home to a hilarious aim message from abbey. thanks! and maclean made me laugh...thanks for the cool text messages. haha! and then i talked to kadey and laughed some more. she called me a prick! i laughed extremely hard. it was a typo...she mean to say...pick...but said prick...very funny! if that were anyone else i would question whether or not that was a typo, but i knew it was with her. haha! i am bust septembet 9th now thanks to her!!! hopefully. got the mp3 player on again...awesome. music is very helpful. and you know who else is...CONAN...time to go! if my days would end like this every night...i would definitely be okay with that. goodnight cruel world. |
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| Hold Me Hold Me, Cuz I Want To Get Higher and Higher |
[Jul. 20th, 2006|12:12 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | a hole | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | i've got this feeling | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Shuffle | ] |
reading a good book, listening to great music, that's a fun thing to do before sleeping. Blue Like Jazz is the name of the book, i like it a lot so far. i set down Macbeth for a little, only because i wasn't really in the mood for it. i just read hamlet right before that, so i'm going to read something else in between. i also bought Lewis Black's book, Nothing's Sacred. i cannot wait to read that. i love putting my mp3 player on shuffle...i get such a variety. ONE MONTH AWAY! from the greatest movie of the summer...Snakes on A Plane...i cannot WAIT!!! haha! i'm excited to see Little Miss Sunshine...really excited. i wrote a letter the other day...i loved doing that...it was so cool. i want to do it a lot more often. guster continues to amaze me. i haven't found one song by them i don't like. that takes a lot of great music to do. oh...Mexico by Jump Little Children just came on...i love this song. whenever i hear it i think of my trip to california this spring break...i don't know why...maybe because i listened to it there. but whenever this song starts, i honestly always see hollywood...and a setting sun...it's really a cool image. i don't really like hollywood, but i like the magic of film, and i'm willing to work in hollywood, and be there, but i would never want to LIVE there. at least i don't think i would. just a reminder...improv playoffs on friday and saturday...and im hoping after friday's show, to go see Indiana Jones at midnight!! how awesome. maybe i'll do that saturday. we'll see. but like most everything i plan, that probably won't happen at all. i'm still a little down and out. i tell you i hit rock bottom, and i'm on my way out. it's one of the hardest times of my life. some things are really helping me get through it...and no, prozac is not one of them...but cocaine is. haha! just kidding...i would never do drugs. yummy...lemonade is so good. i miss someone. real bad. Eisley's I wasn't Prepared is great...that just came on. love it. i've been having really bad and sad dreams lately...and all of them are very real like. i don't like it...they're actually scaring me. i want to have good dreams...please. i really do miss someone right now. if every word i said could make you laugh...i'd talk forever. |
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| If You're Going Downtown, Take Me With You |
[Jul. 16th, 2006|05:14 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | inside...blegh! | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | it could be worse | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Tegan & Sara | ] |
ahhhh....the mountains were beautiful. we walked and hiked for like 3 or 4 miles in 97 degree heat, and that was okay with me. we walked through this really awesome path in the woods to this really cool waterfall which was really awesome and i loved it. the views were awesome. i want a mountain home when i'm older. it's really a great way to get away from...yourself and everyone else. i needed this weekend. oh, and it didn't rain. things were awesome. watched the Weatherman with nicholas cage and it didn't really do to well in theaters or with critics, but i really liked it. i liked it a lot. one more week, and i shall be doing shakespeare...yaaaay! i think. this friday and saturday are the playoffs...yipee!! i am still excited. i'm going to be full of energy that night...even if i have to have 345 cokes or something. got my senior portraits tomorrow...great...an hour of having my head at an awkward 14 degree angle and having to fake a smile...yipee. haha! of course, i got this whole new look...maybe i'll finally take a good picture. or it will look worse...either way. who cares? not i. i could go for some lime italian ice right now. but i would really have to GO for it, it's in PA. rita's, i miss you. a little over a month for school, and i'm already at that point where i'm actually looking forward to going back...i've got one more year of high school! ONE MORE YEAR! i have no idea what i'll be doing a year from now. i'm doing something everyday this week. i have decided that right now. i don't care if i do it by myself, i'm going to do SOMETHING everyday. i have no idea what, but no more sitting in the house. this weekend really reminded me that being inside sucks. we're growing old. |
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| Forgotten And Absorbed Into The Earth Below |
[Jul. 14th, 2006|02:54 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | by the window | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | better | ] |
| [ | music |
| | One Man Wrecking Machine | ] |
well, i'm finally starting to feel better thanks to a very special someone. thank you! i don't know what i would do without you. i'm almost on my way to the mountains for the weekend, and guess what...it's supposed to rain...yipee, just my luck. well, i'll make the best of it. i finally saw pirates, i think i liked the first one better, but i really liked this one too...a little long...but a lot of fun. i wish i was in that movie, that would be amazing. improv class is woah...i love the new students, but i think i need to leave there soon...it's not going to be pretty. but i'll wait til i have to make that decision before i feel miserable. oh, i'd like to take this time to apologize to anyone i've ever offended or pissed off for that was probably not my intention. i finally slept good last night...it was a nice sleep. once again, i must thank music for being there for me as well...i love it...oh and colin mochrie and the whose line gang, and jon stewart, stephen colbert, and conan o'brien for making fun of the world and making me laugh. well, i'll be in the mountains til sunday afternoon...i'll have my phone just in case anyone needs to call me for some reason. |
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| Long Way Down |
[Jul. 12th, 2006|11:27 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Falling | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | I've Never Cried So Hard | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Guster---Long Way Down | ] |
i'm falling i'm in the air so high so cold the wind is just twirling me around and around and i can see the world below me getting larger and larger and closer and closer and i look up seeing the clouds and the blue getting smaller and smaller and further and further and i reach for it but i can't grab it i'm still falling and i'm still twirling and all of a sudden it stops everything is gone i'm in a completely white room but you can't really call it a room because there are no walls or corners or anything it's just white and i'm confused and scared and alone i stand up and begin to walk around but i can't tell how far i've gone or if i've gone at all because it all is the same just white all white but i keep going i keep walking and looking for something then i see something it's a i can't make it out yet i move closer and closer to it and i still can't make it out it's black i think no it's blue i don't know i keep walking but it stopped getting bigger and now it's getting blurry i start to run to it but it just gets more blurry i can't go on i'm out of breath i stop and i catch my breath and look back from where i came and it's all open and it's blue it's the sky and the clouds and i turn back to look at the blurry thing whatever it was but it's gone and it's sky and air just like behind me and then i look up and i see clouds and they all are so beautiful i can make out trees and dogs of white fluff then a breeze comes over me and i look down and it too is air and i see earth again and i start to fall again it's all cold again and the twirling gets wilder and more out of control and now the earth is so close i can smell it i can feel it all sounds stop and i'm alone and falling and falling and falling and falling and there it is the earth right in front of me i can reach it but then i stop inches from the surface inches and i'm turned around and i look up and all the clouds are gone and the sun is just shining and it's so beautiful and i hear a voice a voice so soothing so wonderful so powerful so honest calling out my name kevin kevin i don't know what to do or say i just respond back yes? who are you? i am God the voice calls back no! no i shout i scream at it thrashing scared helpless i won't believe it you cannot be real this world this life is a complete disaster you cannot be real i won't believe it i can't god couldn't possibly allow such hatred and evil no! god doesn't exist! tears roll from my eyes my face hurts everything hurts i feel empty inside the only thing that i can feel is pain then the voice calls my name again kevin kevin it's okay it's all okay i am real if i wasn't you wouldn't have stopped inches above the earth i am real just as real as you you say you don't believe because you are scared that's okay it's okay to be scared but i'm here i stopped your fall because i saw that you believed it was a long way down i know but it takes a lot of falling sometimes before you really start to truly believe but i saw it in you i see it i can feel it i just need to hear it i never cried so hard my face never hurt as much but i never felt more real more alive than that very moment i said i need you i said it in such a soft whisper but there was so much of me behind that quiet voice that god heard it the sun got brighter and brighter and i had to shut my eyes and then i felt something something so powerful i can't describe i felt full and not alone and i was still crying and i couldn't stop even with my eyes closed the tears managed to flow out from underneath my eyelids and i began to calm down i began to feel a soft feeling on my back and i felt a cool breeze blow on my face and the cool air dried my tears and i opened my eyes and i saw a spiraling ceiling fan and i look around me and see my bed my tv my desk my computer my alarm clock my bulletin board with pictures of friends and ticket stubs posted on it and i laid my head back on my pillow and i look back at the ceiling fan and and i took a deep breath and smiled and then i cried myself to sleep. |
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| Drive In Drive Out |
[Jul. 10th, 2006|10:21 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Desk | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | optimistic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Watching Whose Line is it Anyway? | ] |
i'm finally in a loop. thanks abbey! i've finally picked one of my ensemble monologues. woohoo! now, i have to find another one...eeeek! i'm ready for ensemble to start again. i want to get going with it and the new group and really work on contributing something this year. i forgot to do that last year. i'd like to get a lot more out of it and myself this year. but anywho, i got my ap scores back...yeah, about that. well i passed two out of three, but i only got a 2 on my APES test...which was pretty much a given considering nobody else i know at my school did well on that. haha! we all had the same face when we walked out of that test. i wish i was somewhere else right now with somebody else. i don't know where or with who, but i want to do something away from my house. just want to drive somewhere with somebody else and just go and go not knowing where or why and never caring either. i really want to do that...one day, just drive around town...anyone want to come? i'm really going to do it. someone come with me. we can listen to music, the best music, go places and have fun, and just get out of the house. come on! |
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| I Just Don't Know |
[Jul. 10th, 2006|07:44 pm] |
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90% sure...10% not sure...that's not good enough. |
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improvkev5's journal
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